Two Paths: Part 1 of 3

I have been given two distinct paths, both of which have wonderful virtues in store for me and my family. I cannot go down both paths at the same time...this has been made very clear to me. I have been impressed upon to record my emotions and impressions about my decision, so I will try to explain each path to the best of my ability.


Path One

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a nurse. I remember being a little girl and knowing that I wanted to help moms deliver their babies when I got bigger. This dream has never diminished and I still desperately want it.

Enter a husband and three beautiful children.

My dream has, how do you say it, been put on the back burner for a lot of years. That is not to say that I have not kept working toward it. Once Michael was weaned, I went back to school and did one night class per semester while Matt stayed at home. I invariably had to take a semester or two off when each subsequent child was born, but I kept at it until I had completed all of the course requirements that I could without actually being admitted into the full-time nursing program. Before I had Anne, I desperately wanted to start the program right now, but my sweet husband and later, The Spirit, helped me to understand that my dream needed to wait. It was not an unrighteous desire, it just wasn't the right time. At that particular time I needed to learn a few things and how to be happy in my role as a mother was one of them. Oh, I fought so hard against this plan Heavenly Father had for me. I was on the right path, I knew it, but my heart too often longed to search out another path. As I continued to do what Heavenly Father prompted me an amazing change occured in my life. Not only was I on the right path, I actually wanted to be there. I started to enjoy the simple beauty of each of my children and my role as their mother. This is a gift given to me by a loving Heavenly Father and I cannot adequately express my gratitude for it. He has shaped my heart, but I had to follow His promptings before he could do so.

In order to get into the nursing program at our University, you have to take a test. Your admittance into the program is based solely on your test score and while they have around 700 or 800 applicants every year, they can only accomodate around 150 to 200. As you can imagine, the competition is stiff. I applied and was accepted in the spring of 2003. This was before my 'change of heart' as it were and I was still yearning for a different path. Instead, Anne entered our family in July of that same year and I decided that my schooling had to wait. This little girl deserved to have a mother at home and I couldn't realistically do both things at once.

So, I waited.

In the Spring of 2007 I was again drawn to take the admittance test. This time however, it was very different. I didn't feel like I was trying to run away anymore. In fact, I was surprised that I even thought of the admittance exam at all because I did not intend to start school until Anne was in Kindergarten. If I applied now, then I would be starting in the Spring of 2008 when Anne was still in Pre-School and it just didn't make sense. Also, the admittance deadline was in 3 days and I did not have time to adequately prepare for the test. However, the idea of taking the test persisted and after talking about it with Matt, I decided that it couldn't hurt to take the test. If I got in, then I could decide if it was feasible to start my schooling with Anne in Pre-School and if I didn't get in, then I would have my answer. So, I went downtown to the testing center and I took the long exam. It is one of those exams that proceeds only if you have answered enough of the questions correctly. It had two parts; English with reading comprehension and Math. The reading comprehension was a breeze for me, but I struggled with the math. When I finished the test I went to the front desk to receive the print-out of my scores. I had failed. The combined test scores weren't high enough for me to even send in my application let alone make it into the program. I was devastated and my pride had taken a huge hit. I didn't understand why Heavenly Father would have me wait all of these years just to have forgotten all of the information I once knew. The application was due the next day and I was defeated. I went home and I cried. I was so sad. Why hadn't I been able to take the exam in 2003 when I had just finished the College Algebra course and all of the information was still present in my mind? Why hadn't I been able to go to school when Anne was a baby and I had been admitted into the program? Why would I have had the desire to take it now, just to be beaten up in the whole process? Why? Why? Why? Needless to say, I was extremely frustrated and I had to turn to Heavenly Father in prayer to calm my heart. He did and He also gave me an answer...I could not control everything. He was aware of me and my needs and He would not forsake me. So, that evening I decided I would study the math and then retake the test the next day. Luckily for me, the University allows a person to take the test two times and then use their best score. So, I did all that I could to prepare and then I went downtown again to retake the test. The whole experience was like night and day. The test went on significantly longer then it had the first time (by an hour or so) and I consistently felt The Spirit's help when it came to recalling information learned previously...some of the information I had learned 10 years ago. At last the test ended, and with my heart pounding out of my chest, I went to retrieve my scores. When I received them I could not believe my eyes. I had a perfect score! I had gotten a 100% on the English section and I had tested above the level required for the math section and so, by default, it had given me a perfect score in the math section as well. I couldn't believe it. As I ran out to my car, in the rain, tears streamed down my cheeks. Heavenly Father hadn't abandoned me. He knew my heart and He wouldn't forsake me. I quickly put together all of the paperwork for my application, along with my new test scores, and hurried them over to the Nursing Department. It was 4:15 in the afternoon and the applications were due by 5:00. I had done it, but I hadn't done it alone.

A month or so later, I learned that I had been admitted into the program, but due to the fact that I had already taken so many classes, I wouldn't be starting the nursing courses until Fall of 2008 instead of Spring of 2008 like I had originally thought. Woohoo!!! Anne would be in Kindergarten and I would finally be able to complete my dream of becoming a nurse. Heavenly Father was right, I couldn't control everything, but as long as I followed His promptings, He would bless me. And bless me He did.