Five years ago today...

we were building a new house and I was discussing all of the associated decisions with our builder over the telephone. The call took longer then I thought it would and so I was delayed in getting out of the house to see my dad.

He was dying. We all knew it, but we didn't know how long it would take. (He was a fighter and he had defied the odds over and over again.) I had spent the entire day before with him and I called my mom first thing that morning to see how he was doing. She told me that his breathing sounded better...perhaps we had more time then we thought.

I finished the phone call with my builder and loaded my three little ones into the car. It was nearly lunch time and so I grabbed them some McDonald's on the way to my in-laws. (Matt's parents had been kind enough to watch them for me so I could be with my parents during this time.) As I was pulling into the driveway of my in-laws house I received a call from my sister Linda.

"Dad's gone" she said.

I remember being angry. I remember the smell of hot french fries from McDonald's. I remember feeling overwhelming sadness. I remember driving as fast as I could to my parent's rental home. I felt like maybe I could somehow make up the time for not being there.

I couldn't.

He was gone and I had missed it.

I remember how everyone around me just kept going about their daily business. Didn't they know that everything had changed? That my world, as I knew it, had just ceased to exist? Didn't they know that I had dilly dallied that morning and had missed my father's passing?

Then I arrived at my parent's home. From the moment I walked into the house, the Holy Spirit calmed me. I felt absolute peace. Dad was gone. I had missed it. It was ok.

Five years ago today, I said goodbye to my dad.

I know that I will see him again.